1blackbutterfly1

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you  tried -Support bacteria. they're the only culture some people have. - I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. -A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the  ability to reach it. - He who laughs last thinks slowest. - Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it  remains? -If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. - Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. -On the other hand, you

Ask people what gender they are. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Honk and wave to strangers Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Shout random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that y

20. Eyes melting due to watching way too much television 19. Anything related to Myspace 18. Murdered for being really fucking annoying 17. Autopsy Results: Subject was alive while at the start of the autopsy. 16. Auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. 15. Reverse diarrhea. 14. Scared to death 13. Scared to death by possibility of being scared to death. 12. Scared to death by possibility of being scared to death by the possibility of being scared to death. 10. Etc. 09. Eaten by zombies, turned into a zombie, then eaten by zombie eating supereating zombies. 08. Deleted by God for having no redeeming value. 07. Allergic reaction